Jokes

This was a joke my dad sent me this morning:

-- WINTER IN PERU INDIANA - -

Dear Diary,

AUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Peru, Indiana. I am so excited. It's so beautiful here. The fields are ready to harvest .Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them.

OCT. 14 Peru, It is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful countryside and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.

NOV. 11 Veterans’ day. Deer season starts soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it snows soon. I love it here.

DEC. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won). When the snow plough came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Peru.

DEC. 12 More snow last night. The snow plough did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.

DEC. 19 More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. It's beautiful here but I'm exhausted from shoveling. Frigging snow plough.

DEC. 22 More of that white stuff fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands and a sore back from shoveling. I think the snow plough hides around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Nasty fellow.


DEC. 25 Merry frigging Christmas! More frigging snow. If I ever get my hands on the son-of-a-gun who drives the snow plough, I swear I'll kill the nasty fellow. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the frigging ice.

DEC. 27 More white stuff last night. Been inside for 3 days now except for shoveling out the driveway after that snow plough goes through every time. Can't go anywhere, the car's stuck in a mountain of white stuff and it's so frigging cold. The weatherman says to expect another 10" of the stuff again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10" is?

DEC. 28 That frigging weatherman was wrong. We got 34" of the white stuff this time. At this rate it won't melt before summer. The snow plough got suck up in the road and that nasty fellow came to my door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him that I had already broken 6 shovels shoveling out all the white stuff he had pushed into my driveway, I damn near broke my last one over his frigging head.

JAN. 4 Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on my way back a damned deer ran in front of the car. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those frigging beasts should be killed. The beasts are everywhere. Wish the hunters had exterminated them all last November.

MAY 3 Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusted out from all that frigging salt they put all over the roads.

MAY 10 Moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in such a snowbound forsaken place as Peru Indiana.

And of course my reply!

Nice! Here is my diary entry for today!

Oct 27, We went to Farm and Home today to get cold weather gear for Tim and the boys, bought some mittens for myself. Boys are having fun trying on all the gloves and daddy's new boots. Waiting for the snow flurries to start. It's brisk outside but the air is clean and the sights are beautiful!
Went to urgent care this morning, by the base. Waiting room empty. Filled out paperwork, immediately got called back. Finished with nurse, said Dr. would be in in a few minutes, grabbed my book ready to wait at least 15 min. One sentence in Dr. knocked on door, how dare he interrupt my quiet time! Took brief history, confirmed ear infection. Listen and prescribed what I suggested. Showed cut on my back, seems he is a general surgeon at Duke's gave me number to make an appt. to come see him so he can take care of it, that's what you get when you have small town doctors, there everywhere. They called in my prescription, got to CVS and was told that I would have to wait 10 min while they got my insurance information, called my name 5 minutes later. Now at home waiting for nap time.
I love Peru Indiana!!!!